Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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