I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
