I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
