That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
