I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
