You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
