it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
well you can't waste a boner
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
