I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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