Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
