Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
