Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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