If i come over, it means nothing
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
