i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
