he thought i was a dude.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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