you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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