I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
