so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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