did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
