She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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