Pants 0. Shit 1.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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