Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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