how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
