kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We are all done wearing pants today
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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