batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
