If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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