i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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