Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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