sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
