did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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