He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
