y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I won't apologize to a one balled man
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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