I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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