next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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