I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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