good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
