I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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