I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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