I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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