All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
