I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
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