You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
