And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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