I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
