He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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