shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
