we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
