i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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