i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
