I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
