I faked an abortion last night.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
