Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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