So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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